3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
