I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
