The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
