i need an iv and a liver transplant
I smell stomach acid.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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