you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
