i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
