you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
