then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
How naked do you want me to be?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
