what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
We need a shit load of segways right now
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
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