So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He better not be in your backpack
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
