i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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