I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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