Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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