Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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