Grow some girl-balls and come out already
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
