Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I AM VODKA MAN
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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