I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
