I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize