dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
