He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
