you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
