so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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