census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
