this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
