I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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