So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Its about making memories worth repressing
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
