Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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