I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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