the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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