Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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