just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Randomize
