if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
