College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
