i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
thus making me awesome and them whores
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
