Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
