are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
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