for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
