Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
