my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
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I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
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It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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