Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
