I wish I could teleport
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
