I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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