please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
