dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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