I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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