She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
