I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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