How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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