Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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