i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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