She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
FUCK WHALES
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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