Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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