she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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