ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
