i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
