i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
