you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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