I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
