Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
