I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
