he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
