im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
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In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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