12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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