the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
not ubering you a puppy