Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
