I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
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I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
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He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another