what if I'm pregnant?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
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My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
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Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me