Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
