For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
