if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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