just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Panties = found
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
